Kära farmor

 

Himlaportens ljus skiner på din skalp

Brödet mellan oss fanns

Du såg mig utan rosor

Ursprungets väg är stor

Jag vandrar på en liten stig

Din blick

När du inte ser vad som sker

Flodens starka strömmar drog mig inte ner

Den slet och och ville ha mig på djupet

Din existens från främmande land

En dröm startar om annan sanning

Spelet

Jag ser dig du människa, dina ögon bakom galler.

Älskad instinktivt och med tillförsikt.

En dröm om ett liv det kunde bli.

När korten läggs vet vi inte vad vinsten blir.

Det är bara vi och en av oss vinner.

Vinsten delas i sinnet och mer om det går.

Nudlarna i ditt hår.

Ditt leende som sprider ljus i skräck.

Hur kan jag glömma vem du är.

Jag tar din hand i min och vi går.

Om det bara vore så.

Magic lotus flower

 I am in a process of finding out, during that I find myself unlearning rather than learning. Instead of absolute truth I find uncertainty and endless possibilities. Building courage to stand still for there I find a beauty of listening to what is. This sensitivity is a counter balance to a sense of control. I find it in the depth of my heart. Beyond the apparent structure of society my voice is crystal clear. I hear it whisper inbetween each heartbeat.

When all is still the beating heart absorbs my full attention. Then there is a small child inside of me who finally fall asleep. She gained all trust needed to relax with contentment. During her sleep, a dream appear to the conscious mind. All movements start flowing from a vast silence. Logic become an after process rather than a plan before hand. Since what is logic? To fit into a structure or a context? It is nothing but a made up story that can be or not be accurate. I can only dance by listening to the rythm of right now. This moment. Freedom is to be quiet, to receive the sacred rythm of my soul connected to the beats of my heart. I can dance to that, it is a space made by love. Caught in the moment, absorbed by movement I require nothing more. I lack nothing. 

Love is blossoming. Like a lotus flower it grows from the depth of the mud. It moves trough the dark water, striving to reach the sun, perceiving only small glimpses of illumination. It is a battle requiring tremendous strenght and it does not know why it moves. The journey started by an internal explosion bursting out from the seed of intention. It moved out of the hard shell of safety. Finally it touches the air and receive blessed kisses from the sun. It rests on the water as a representation of the body of emotions. The stem is growing trough the water and its roots deeply attached in the mud keep lifeforce flowing in a cirquit of life and death. Subconsciousness touches awareness. Love is dancing with the rays of the sun. 

The lotus flower does not know that it gives birth to love, it simply push the water aside to reach the golden light. 

Not trying to control the outcome gives a surprising result. Images arise from the childs state of dreaming. A new comprehension of life. Those pictures are illustrations from a timeless perspective. That is what I receive within my heart beats. The images are draped with beautiful colours of sensory impressions. I move and the paint of my spirit mix with those of the rainbow. That very motion is creating the images I see inside my heart. I live to create who I am. I create to live as I am.

Outside of pool chatti ashram in rishikesh.

It feels like I have been in a world between reality and dreams!